I know it is rare that I write any more and my apologies on that. Life for me is in full swing at this stage. College has been demanding and extremely challenging. With many other things going on, such as family, work, and relationships with those around me, the challenge of day to day living is huge.
As most know, I have been attending Collin College for quite a while. This last semester I transferred to the University of Texas at Dallas, still covered under the Scottish Rite Hospital Legacy Scholarship and took two Psychology classes. After living at Collin College for a while, I moved to another apartment five minutes away from UTD and got to know two new room mates who are also psychology majors. Family issues continued to rise throughout the last semester, due to people's decisions. I struggled on my own at the apartment, trying to provide for my self, pay the rent, attend class and be awake enough to study my material. I lost my job at Avis and Budget due to lack of business in the company and continued to live off my savings. I did eventually run out of money and had to return home the week of finals.
The other blessing I was apart of was being able to go back to Ukraine back in September. All through out the year of 2017 I raised money to help supply kids with necessities such as beds, chairs, etc., in Ukraine. Thankfully I was able to go and deliver the money myself and see who it got to bless. Alex(my former boyfriend) got to come with me and see my motherland. I was also able to visit my own orphanage thanks to the help of Papa Dima, who I dearly love and miss. I got to walk through the rooms of my past and smell the perfume of fear that I will never forget. I saw familiar faces that once cared for me and heard the language I once spoke. Some familiar faces were happy to see me and some were not. One familiar face even asked about Sarah and wanted to know how she was doing. I saw the beds that many children who misbehaved were tied to at night time, and took a picture of the one Sarah slept in. I saw the many plastic chairs I use to sit in for a meal and remembered stacking them up neatly after our meals. I listened to laughter of small children as their faces lit up with smiles and complete joy, because of the strange company that was now paying attention to them. Their hands reached up to you and their eyes screamed "hold me." They were so small, fragile, and so beautiful. I walked over to the older kids area and stood next to the door I use to lean on to scratch my nose. I listened and watched again, as I walked in to the next room. I saw a child run to me and grab my hands pulling me down and pointing for me to sit. Her hands were icy cold and she wore stalkings like I use to. She was skinny...very skinny. She held on to me with her head down and her body rocking back and forth. How familiar this all was to me. I heard another child break into tears and began to sob right as Alex held and picked him up. His cry reminded me of Sarah, when she use to cry in this awful building. It was the desperate cry. I moved back home after my return from Ukraine, due to job loss and not enough money to survive on my own. For the next year I continued to live at home and go to school at UT Dallas, being covered under Scottish Rite Hospital Scholarship and working part time at odd jobs.
